I read somewhere that when you begin to make excuses for your partner is settling. I'm beginning to see that is true. I know that everyone says that you should not have an inordinate laundry list of qualifications, but instead of just taking what you get, perhaps there has to be a list of non-negotiables. I have a list that is imperative that my partner has.
1. They have to have decent relations with someone in their family. If they don't get along with siblings, parents, ex's, cousins, aunts, uncles and children, then it really is them.
2. Integrity in the full spectrum of the life, that is in relationships, on their job and how they deal with the public.
3. A sense of humor and a positive outlook in life. Moodiness can be a problem, as does playing the victim.
4. Ambition...I'm sorry, couldas, wouldas and shouldas...I wishes, those after a while are a turnoff. If you want something or you want to do something then make a fucking plan and do it.
5. Common sense and intelligence.
6. They're not trying to undo adolescense. Not popular, never had that threesome, no alpaca sweaters. Get over it already.
7. Settled in their career.
8. Financially stable...no sugar momma's on this end...I have tuition bills. Carry your own weight please, because I don't need you to carry me.
9. A passion for something that doesn't involve sitting in front of a computer (unless they are a writer, blogger, coder) or television.
10. Healthy and taking care of any issues arising from the fact we're getting friggin older.
11. Knowing what they want in a partner, in life, at the movies and on a menu.
12. Friends of the opposite sex...and even friends for that matter.
13. No smoking
14. No drugs
15. Only social drinking and not drunk,..ever.
16. Healthy sexual behavior and an ability to be monogomous.
But then there is the day to day coexistence. I don't do well with selfishness, passive aggressive behavior and low self esteem or the converse...excessive arrogance. I'm not very good with people pleasers either. They have to like my kids and vice versa and they have to like animals. If they are important to me, then I need to be important to them. If they are a priority for me then I have to be a priority. I need to know they have my back. Lastly, they need to see me as a partner, not a cook, maid or any other servant.
David.....
Wow Shanita. You have been quite busy. I only have one to add......
17. Keep on complaining about the same thing and do nothing.
Recap:
11. This is my favorite one. Make a decision. Pick something. I get tired of making most or all of the decisions of what we do, go see or tackle.
12. Definitely a must. That can decrease unnecessary jealously. A drama factor that is not needed.
13. Even social smoking is a turnoff. Nicotine is nicotine no matter with or with out alcohol.
15. Drunkenness is one of my biggest deal breakers. Having that presented to me on more than one occasion in my past, had me headed out the back door extremely fast.