David.......
When two people start seriously dating, you invariably mix his and her realities. What do I mean by reality? My definition of relationship reality is the state at which one exist. My reality is I'm 56 years old, my kids are pretty much semi-grown and semi-gone, lots of free time, the importance of certain 'stuff' is diminished now and a host of other things that go along with it. Two people can still co-exist with two polar realities. You finally just have to accept the other person's and know that you can't change it. As long as it doesn't impinge on you deal breaker list, you'll be fine. But, be ready. Strap in and hold on for a ride, because the more opposite the realities are, the more friction will be created at first. My attitude... you can't worry about the crap you can't change and don't sweat the small stuff.... because it's all small. It took me a long time to gain the knowledge to accept that attitude. It makes my life's journey a lot easier and smoother.
But if one of the other parties doesn't accept the other's reality, then argument occur frequently. I actually think it is pretty selfish of the other person not to accept the other at their value. We all have value.... something to give of yourself. We can always learn and better ourselves from others. Either positively or negatively. Learning doesn't always have to be positive or nice. Sometimes you learn a lot better if you have burned. That tends to stick to our ribs very well. Stays deep in our minds and hopefully won't let it happen again.
Shanita....
I'm thinking the issue is more that a person just doesn't accept reality. For example, people will tell or show you who they are. People, often women, believe they can change that reality. If a man says, I don't want to get married, a woman will often will just burrow in and try harder, thinking they will change that person's mind. He would have changed his mind when he met you if that would have occurred. This is an example of not accepting reality.
The other issue I often see is a person, again often a woman, who says she accepted a certain reality, then once committed tries to change the dynamics of that reality. Say a person travels a lot for their job. The woman makes all nice, says she accepts it, but after a while the complaining begins. She knew the reality when she entered the relationship, she now wants to change it.
Each of these scenarios have the making of disaster. This is the reality...what you see is what you get. Not what you hope it to be, not what you intend it to be, not what you insist it should be...but what..it...is.
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