Shanita....
I've been told that my biggest issue is expectations...but I just can't seem to let go of them. Expecting to be treated well, to be treated with respect. Expecting that my concerns will be heard and addressed. Addressing these issues I have been told that I am controlling. I guess the worst expectation is that someone will change. This whole go with the flow, appreciate the now is beyond me. But wanting to control events is a fool's journey. I am not talking about expectations that are not voiced, discussed and dissected. That's ridiculous when you expect people to read you. Voicing expectations is what I call that putting your cards on the table, the conversation should then be whether or not these are realistic and can be met. When you have unmet expectations, that seems to me to reek of disappointment. And that is when you are avoiding the signs of dysfunction or the impending end of your relationship.
David....
I would love to be in a never arguing, ever loving, perfect, everything is peachy relationship. But, I don't even think that would be fun. Kind of a love hate thing. Life is full of the ying and the yang for order to rise to the top. Realistic expectations allow you to circumvent the drama and crap that sometimes goes with relationships. Going into a situation fully knowing what to expect is much better than the converse. Tell my kids all the time that life is not fair all the time. You must accept, relish and learn from the nuances and pitfalls that present to you along your life's journey.
I find myself getting in trouble when my expectations are unrealistic. Wanting a relationship to be perfect all the way through and have no speed bumps is one of my favorites. After the honeymoon stage is over, I still want smooth sailing till the bitter end. Wake up David..... it's not the movies. Unrealistic expectations seems to be selfish. You have a goal that is nice and probably spectacular yet deep in you heart, you know that it is a puesdo pipe dream. The selfish part is that you don't allow your mate to even come close to the goal. Not fair on your part at all.
For example: when you think a person is going to change and start respecting your stuff and they end up doing the same old thing, destroying your special thing. Now, you both share responsibility of blame, them for tearing your stuff up and you for having unrealistic expectations. One person does not harness the blame all by themselves. Shared fault.
You are dead on Shanita... unmet expectations do reek of disappointment!!! Sucks for the one who is expecting too much. Then, on the converse, having low or no expectations is not all that good either. You must have some sort of standards system. Or, it all goes to hell in a handbasket.
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