David.....
Sometimes your friends don't know what is best for them when they are going through the storm. You have to be there for them through thick and thin. Even the times you just want to come through the phone and grab them by the neck and squeeze. Wouldn't it be great if all your friends listened to your advice the first time? Even if it was wrong? Gotta get a few stray bullets. Can't be right all the time.
You can't actually fix relationships for your friends, they must go through their journey be it positive or negative. They have to go through it with your support but on their own..... backwards, huh? That school of hard knocks can be the best teacher. Even though watching the train wreck coming down the track can be brutal, you have to let it happen to get the desired effect and learning tangent. Hopefully your friends learn from their mistakes and move forward.
Shanita....
Okay...you're batting a thousand right now. Guilty as charged (and I know why you brought this subject up). The reason we don't always listen to our friends is called delusion. When I do this I am hiding from the truth. I have convinced myself of a premise and I am sticking to it.
Distance (and I don't mean you're in Colorado and I'm in Maryland). . . distance from the situation makes you the unbiased observer. When you are in the midst of the turmoil, it's hard to tell the rough patches from the death throes of the end of the relationship. Some people (I'm thinking of an ex here) easily walk away without looking back...I don't find it so easy. It just seems to me if something is of value you fight for it. But unfortunately, you need to know when to retreat and regroup and when to display the white flag of defeat when the battle is lost.
As a friend sometimes all you can do is sit back and watch the ship sink (I'm mixing war metaphors here)...then you throw them a rope.
I guess what you have to do is watch for patterns. When you see that friend repeating mistakes...you put in your two cents. In the end all you can do is offer advice and if worse comes to worse offer a shoulder to cry on and in the end help pick up the pieces of of their life.
I learned my lesson...I'm listening--I may not like what I'm hearing. ..but I really am listening.
David......
But did you really learn your lesson Shanita??? What do you do when your friend repeats the same behavior and /or choices despite what you have told them or warned them and the result is always bad? But are they truly listening???? Have you listened to your friends that have your back in the past??? I'm that guy who is a friend till the end. Bad boys for life. You and me Shanita. I don't mind that fact that you don't listen to me and I don't listen to you most of the time..... But that's our reality. And, quite frankly, it works for us.
Bottom line... you have to accept your true friends the way they are. As is. That's what a true friend does. Not trying to change them to suit you. I call it 'over the edge acceptance'. Makes it totally simple. Also, makes it and keeps it their problem not yours.